Oh, You Shouldn't Have!
by lostcard
Summary: Nami receives a unexpected gift on Birthday from the Surgeon of Death. What could it possibly be? Or does the Strawhat's navigator even want to find out? Packed with dark humor and pure nonsense! Enjoy! A one-shot celebrating Nami's Birthday: July, 3rd (07/03).


**Oh, You Shouldn't Have!**

Across the decks of the Sunny, the crew could hear a small giggle coming from the lips of their navigator. Nami's hair was being pulled and twirled in numerous directions by hovering hands. Someone was putting all hair salon stylists to shame!

"Nami, you need to sit still," instructed Robin, braiding the left side of her head. "I will not be able to do this hairdo correctly if you keep wiggling around."

"I'm sorry, Robin," muffled out the orange haired woman. "But Usopp is tickling my feet!"

"How did I get stuck into doing Nami's pedicure?" complained the long-nosed sniper, carefully painting a second coat of red nail polish on his fellow crewmate's toes.

"Oh come on Usopp! It's my birthday and I wanted a day of pampering," teased Nami, sticking her tongue out.

Nami had to admit it was a lovely birthday so far. Robin gave her a phoenix feather pen for her diligent mapmaking. Phoenix feather pens were notoriously known to last for a lifetime and their ink never smeared nor run on any flat surface. It was a perfect gift for an avid cartographer such as herself. Usopp added some upgrades to her rod as well as give her numerous "bubble pops" capsules for daily bubble baths. Chopper gave her some of his special birthday "cotton candy" and Franky of course gave her some of his SUPER birthday cola. Sanji, being the sweet love cook he was, made Nami-swan a delicious and delightful birthday cake. As well as her favorite orange drinks to wash it all down.

But not everything was running smoothly for the Cat Thief's birthday. Zoro, who obviously forgot about this special occasion, tried giving Nami some mikans from Bellemere's tree. In the end it earned the swordsman a punch in face and a debt raise. But he wasn't the only one getting a good helping of abuse. Luffy and Brook were getting a taste of Nami's fist as well. Luffy offered Nami a plate of meat as a present, but quickly took it back and devoured the plate before she was even given a chance to retort. And Brook? Well you know Brook. Let's just say she got a panty for every day of the month from that gentleman skeleton.

After all those fiascos, Nami needed a good day of pampering with her two best friends, Robin and Usopp. The Strawhat navigator knew she could count on those two to cheer her up. After Robin finished gathering her braids into a crown, the Cat Thief stretched out her arms and grabbed her drink off the table. Usopp took out a small fan and began drying the wet paint on her toes. It took everyone a moment to realize someone approaching them with a small box in hand.

Nami looked up to see none other than Surgeon of Death. He was the ship's temporary traveler on their way through the New World. In his arms was a white box wrapped with a red bow. The navigator could not help but be surprised by the kind gesture. Never in her wildest dreams did she expect a present from Law. They didn't know each other that well, so giving her a gift was completely unnecessary.

"I was informed it was your birthday, Cat-ya," explained Law, handing Nami the small box. "And since we are in an alliance, it is only proper that I give the ship's navigator a gift."

Nami smiled and took the present from his hands. She had grown accustom to him calling her "Cat-ya". It was only fair. She normally called him by his "tiger" nickname.

"Thank you, Torao-Kun*," gushed out Nami, pulling on the red ribbon. "You really shouldn't have."

The dark doctor just smirked and waited for her to pull the lid off the top of the box. After she wiggled the top off, she quickly peeked at the present within. It took her a moment to process what on earth she was looking at. As soon as everything clicked, she let out a curdling scream.

"Ahhhhhh! Is that a heart?!" yelped Nami, throwing the box at Usopp.

"Ewwww! Don't give it to me, idiot!" screamed Usopp, pushing the box back onto the frighten Cat Thief. Robin couldn't help but laugh at the chaotic scene unfolding.

Nami turned back to the pirate surgeon and handed back the beating heart in the box.

"What the hell are you trying to pull here?" demanded the orange haired woman. "Are you nuts? What kind of gift is this?"

Law just stared back at her with his dark cynical eyes.

"Oh? You do not like my gift, Cat-ya?"

"Perhaps this is a gift up your ally, but I'm afraid it's not my cup of tea," explained Nami, handing the heart back to dark doctor. "I'm sorry, Torao-Kun, but you shouldn't have."

"Now not so fast. I believe this gift could be a great use to you."

Nami narrowed her eyes on the Surgeon of Death.

"How so?"

"First you must figure out whose heart I've placed in that box."

"It's not yours?"

"Now why would I give you my heart, Cat-ya?"

"No reason," yelped the navigator, covering her face with the palm of her hands.

Nami tried to shake the blush off her cheeks. She embarrassedly believed the Shichibukai had a thing for her and this gift was a gesture of his love. Apparently this not the case. Law gave her a curiously little look, but decided to move on with this game.

"Guess again, Cat-ya. Who is the one person giving you the most trouble? The one you would want power over anyone else."

Their eyes locked and their thought was one.

"Luffy."

"Yes, Strawhat-ya."

And right on cue they could hear yelling coming from the dinning room. Peeking within the window, Nami could see Luffy not only devouring her precious birthday cake but also her perfect birthday dinner Sanji was slaving on all day for.

"You shitty piece of shit, Luffy! This was Nami-swan's birthday dinner of LOVE!"

"But Sanji I couldn't wait any longer! You didn't cook anything to eat earlier and I was starving!"

Nami looked back down at the box in Law's hands. She could feel her hand twitching.

"Hey Nami! Hurry up and eat already so we can go to the next adventure island," yelled Luffy, stuffing another plate of food down his throat.

Nami could feel her left eye twitching. The doctor gave her a solid nod and handed her the box. The Cat Thief didn't even hesitate to pull the heart out of the package.

"Adventure! Adventure! Adven-AHHHH!" screamed Luffy falling to his knees.

Nami made sure to give her captain's heart a good ol' squeeze. She had to admit it felt damn good to put Luffy in his place.

"What the hell was that?" questioned Luffy, looking around aimless. "Whatever. Adventure! Adventure!"

"Do it again," ordered the Surgeon of Death.

He didn't need to tell Nami twice.

"Adventure! Aden-AHHHH!" yelled Luffy, falling to the ground. "Hey, what the hell is going on?!"

Nami couldn't help but let out an evil little giggle.

"How on earth did you get Luffy to hand over his heart?"

"Oh, I have my ways," responded Law, patting his sword on his left shoulder.

* * *

_Earlier that day_

"Strawhat-ya, give me your heart," commanded the Heart Captain.

"Huh? Why?"

"Does it matter?"

Luffy scratched his head for a moment and then shook his head no.

"I guess not."

"Good. Let me have it," ordered the dark doctor again.

"No."

"I'll give you a plate of meat for it."

Luffy couldn't stop the rush of drool pouring out from the sides of his mouth.

"OK! Deal!"

* * *

The Surgeon of Death and Cat Thief couldn't help but chuckle at the monkey captain squirming on the floor. How they both longed to for this moment. After all the trouble Luffy had put them through, after all the long nights they were twisting and turning in agony... this revenge was long overdue and much too sweet! But like all good things, Nami knew she would eventually have to make this end. Luffy was her Captain after all. But she would enjoy every last moment of this bliss while she still had it. And she had to admit, she enjoyed the dark doctor's gift and company after all.

"Thank you for such a thoughtful gift," praised Nami, giving the surgeon a nudge and giggle. "Oh Torao-Kun, but you _really_ shouldn't have."

"I couldn't think of a better person to give such a gift, Cat-ya," insisted Law, giving her a sly smile. "I _really_ couldn't have."

* * *

_AHHH! Happy Birthday, Nami! I wanted to give a quick little one shot for my favorite baddest bitch in One Piece! And of course, with the big badass boys of One Piece.._ _Trafalgar Law and Monkey D Luffy. There's not really any romance in this one-shot (sorry bout it!), it suppose to be more of a (evil) friendship bonding moment between a Cat and Tiger. But I suppose if you squint enough, you can see the slightest of "abusive fluff" in this fic. Ha ha! The best type of looooove!_

_Oh, I was giving a go with the whole "What will Law call Nami in the manga?" Law's pattern so far has been either addressing someone by their last name (ex: Nico-ya, Eustass-ya), pirate name (ex: Strawhat-ya, Black Leg-ya), or familiarity (Nose-ya). I think for Nami, he's going to go the "pirate name" route, but instead of calling her the full "Cat Thief", he'll probably shorten it to just "Cat-ya" (cause he's lazy/straight to the point). Which would be perfect, because he is her Tiger and she'll be his Cat :3 OH! I'm sorry but I can't help myself! They are my OTP damnit! And yeah, I know I've been pretty committed with the whole "Miss Nami" title this whole time (I do enjoy it best), but I may change it due to what Law will call Nami from here on out. We'll have to wait and see on this one._

_*Oh and just in case it was lost in translation... Luffy and Nami call Law "Torao" (mostly because Luffy cannot say his name right), which means "Tiger" in japanese. I know Traffy is the more popular "nickname" for english speakers, but I thought I would stick to the "Torao" translation in this fic._

_Anyways! Thanks for reading! Sorry it was pretty short! Hope you got a little laugh from it! Thanks in advance for anyone that reviews and favs this one-shot! You're a rockstar! OW! Baby! Come on!_


End file.
